…but I have never actually “googled” myself. The wife and I were talking about it the other night, so I thought I would type it in and see, especially since I don’t have the most normal of last names. I found out that my alter-egos have been involved in the following:

I was a first round draft pick as a center fielder in Major League Baseball

I was convicted of sending annoying text messages to an ex-girlfriend

I placed 16th in a marathon

And, I have been Guest Island Guest Relations Specialist

At least all of my clones have been busy and more productive than myself. I’m glad to know that I have perfected myself!

(and by the way, I hope everyone knows not a one of these is about me!)

…if we happen to have an accident…oops, I meant a child. Introducing, How to Traumatize Your Children A quote about the book:

While it’s inevitable that all of us will traumatize our children, even the most committed parents have lacked guidance in doing so deliberately and effectively.

Learn how to determine your natural traumatizing “type”, cultivate your children’s resentment, and give your children enough material to write a memoir someday.

I mean, if I happen to be a father one day, I need to be the best I can be, right? If so, this book is a must read for me. Who cares about the Dr. Spock books, Parenting magazine or anything else…everything I need is right here!

…I must be the biggest genius on the planet! It was past time for my annual vision checkup, so I decided to go in and see how bad things have changed. I knew they weren’t good since I’ve been having trouble seeing the tube! The assistant had me take my glasses off and then put the chart to the largest setting and seemed to be amazed when I couldn’t tell her exactly letter it was much less the direction. The doctor came in and was commenting on it and before he asked too many personal questions, he said, “you must be really smart.” Well that took me by surprise, and I could only tell the truth and say “well, of course!” He want to mention an article written by the National University of Singapore and how their findings stated that near-sightedness is linked to intelligence. Intelligent people are twice as likely to be near-sighted. Well, naturally I fall in that category! I then asked if it was because intelligent people read more and therefore ruined their eyes for seeing far away, but the research showed that that really didn’t have an effect.

So, in conclusion, if you didn’t know me, now you know I am a genius!

For the past few months, I’ve been toying with the idea of getting a new vehicle strictly for commuting to work to conserve on gas. After buying the ‘97 Nissan Pathfinder last year, I quickly realized my timing on that front was very poor. Over a year ago, I saw a Smart car drive down the road and I instantly fell in love with it. It’s like me in most respects…it’s full of gadgets, cheap and unique. The downside (at least per the wife), is that it is a deathtrap with all the SUVs on the road. I have to disagree based on the structural framing built around it, yet it is still a valid concern. For more money, I could go the plain-jane normal route and get the Honda Civic Hybrid which costs more, gets less gas mileage but is from a more established company. So anyway, I’m just curious to get everyone’s opinion (all three people who read the blog!)

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A while back, the wife and I were driving to Sunday brunch to celebrate Lent being over so that she could actually eat bread again. As we were driving, a car passed us on the right, and I glanced over…and then had to do a double take. It’s not often you seean older fellow with a huge white beard, but that isn’t what the double take was for. This was one of those times when I wish I had a camera in the car, but alas, I didn’t. He had a license plate that read “G&ALF”. It took a few seconds, but it slowly registered after the second take. Then I noticed in the back window that there was a campaign sticker that said Gandalf/Aragorn 08. You can’t get much nerdier than that. So not only did he feel strongly enough to have a personalized license plate and bumper sticker, he had to look like Gandalf as well.

Anyway, when I stopped at Lowes on the way home to pick up drywall repair materials, I parked behind a car that was about as nerdy as the previous…not quite so much, but nerdy nonetheless.

Now, how many Lord of the Rings nerds are there out in the world? I mean sure, I’m one, I mean two tattoos with Tolkinesque images puts me up there, but I’m sure there have to be others!

I was visiting a friend’s blog and saw that he had taken a “tarot card” test. Now, I don’t believe a bit in that, but with the questions they asked, they give you a summary of your personality. Yup, just like all those other ones. Just thought people might be interested to see how I did, and can check yourself as well.

You are The Hermit

Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.

The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.

The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.

The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.